It’s no small secret that I am a super hardcore, seen-all-the-episodes-infinite-times fan of Sex and the City. In fact, I’m such a fan that I had to get a second box set of the series because I wore the first one out. Or my best friends vandalized them after I forced them to watch numerous episodes after barhopping in Costa Mesa (you know who you are).
Side story with only a sprinkle of relevance to this post:
One of my favorite stories about my best friend Joe is one night, after enjoying quite a few drinks in my neighborhood, my friends and I all came back to my apartment to crash. Taking advantage of this tired/tipsy moment, I decided I would turn on Sex and the City because who would notice? Ten minutes later, with almost everyone sound asleep on the floor of my studio, Joe sits up, wakes up Howard and asks, “Is this show about four prostitutes?” “No, Joe, it’s not about four prostitutes.” Then after a minute of trying to fully understand this new bit of information, Joe asks “Why is their mom with them?” “That’s their fourth friend! Damn it, Joe!” The responses you get for trying to share a beloved piece of your life with your friend family.
But I digress.
One of the repeated plot points in each episode is Carrie asking a question to the audience that drives her column, and the entire episode, forward. And they get deep: In a city as cynical as New York, is it possible to believe in love at first sight? Can you make a mistake and miss your fate? Is a relationship a relationship without the zsa zsa zoo? Soul mates: Reality or torture device? When it comes to matters of the heart, did we have it right in high school?
Her question about love, sex, and relationships seek to understand dating specifically in New York City, and having lived here for seven months, I’ve taken it upon myself to reevaluate these questions from my own NYC perspective to see if Carrie was dead on or dead wrong.
As a respect to me and this blog post, I insist you read on with a cosmopolitan in your hand.
In a city like New York, with infinite possibilities, has monogamy become too much to expect?
This is actually a question my girlfriends and I have discussed, but not in terms of New York City, but in terms of online dating. By giving online dating users seemingly infinite possibilities to swipe right, it makes people think that there is always, always something better/prettier/sexier/more compatible around the corner. This fear of missing something better seems to only complicate dating, especially when people say things like “I just knew they were my soul mate at first glance.” What? I’ve literally only felt that way about shoes. For me, relationships and friendships take time to develop.
But the big question: Is New York City killing off monogamy? I mean I’ve stayed loyal to the same bagel shop for the past seven months even though another one down the street does has better pastries, so I say no this city is not killing off one on one relationships! And if monogamy is really important to you and makes you feel comfortable and safe in a relationship, always express that! If the person on the other side of your date isn’t on board, they aren’t the right one for you and do not deserve your beer drinking company.
Are all men freaks?
Oh, the circus themed episode, a favorite. The short answer is yes, sometimes in a good way, sometimes in a “I’m not going to see you again” kind of way. But then again, who isn’t a little wonky? It’s what makes us all awesome.
Are there women in New York who are just there to make us feel bad about ourselves?
I see it this way: Those breathtakingly beautiful, perfectly dressed, working ladies who are always running off to workout or meet the perfect date or blog about their perfect lives are taking a bullet for me. While they’re holding up the pillar of perfection, I’m over here without a care in the world, wearing old jeans around my neighborhood, rocking mismatched yoga outfits, staying up all night writing, and entertaining the masses with sarcasm and poorly timed animal jokes. In a way, I want to say thank you to these ladies, because while I’ll never attain their level in life, they also make me realize I probably wouldn’t want to.
PS. I promise that blogger you follow with the perfect apartment/dog/boyfriend/shoe collection/vacations/Instagram memories has just the same amount of stretch marks and bad hair days as you.
Are men just women with balls?
Yes, definitely! If there is one thing I’ve learned throughout my friendships with guys it’s that their feelings are just as real as ours. Because they rarely talk about feelings with their guy friends, when a lady comes along and wants to know their thoughts on love, they’re often ALL IN. Along the way, I’ve also learned many incredible dating lessons from them as well. For example:
If someone is into you, they will call and go the extra mile to see you.
No one likes playing games, if you want a second date, ask that person.
It’s 2015, women can make the first move.
Confidence and humor go a long way.
Men definitely notice when their dates dresses up, but not in any sort of detail so cut down your getting ready routine and watch Game of Thrones instead.
When men say they’re thinking about nothing, they’re actually thinking about nothing.
Why does one minus a plus one feel like it adds up to a zero?
Why? Because New York City is hard and throughout the course of your single person day, you’re constantly forced to interact with cuddly couples smack dab in the middle of their honeymoon stage. Gag me with a spoon!
No one wants to be reminded that should Noah’s Arc show up on the Hudson there is no single rider line we can jump into! Yes, I might just be saying this because I’m a single rider right now, but I honestly do believe everyone needs to be single for a while. It’s the time you figure out what you want in a relationship, what you won’t compromise one. It gives you time to try new hobbies, perfect a craft, and travel without worrying about another person’s schedule. And while Carrie nails the question here, she’s also on a date in every episode of the show so I don’t know if she’s quite lived without that plus one for long enough to be worried.
Does distance bring you closer?
HELL NO! If you’re not close when you’re in a close proximity to another person, you sure as hell aren’t going to build the Mount Everest of relationships doing long distance. Trust me! I don’t know how to change a car battery or how to win at Scrabble or even how stop watching Luther even though I think it’s giving me nightmares, but I do know a few things about long distance dating and bringing people closer together is not one of its known qualities.