Forget Where You ‘Should Be’ And Be Where You Are Now

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^^ Great company, pie, $20 bottles of wine, and a semi-spring themed outfit; this picture perfectly captured all the happiness I felt at this exact moment. ^^

Sometimes life feels like a battle between the ‘should be’ and present moment. I should be writing, I should be pitching to more freelance magazines, I should be working out or blogging or calling home more or going to bars with friends every weekend night or going on dates or learning to use makeup or excelling more in my career or be saving up to buy property. 

The catch 22 of being an ambitious human is that I have a hard time just sitting (and it’s nice to know I’m not the only one). No emails, no social media, no stress; just me, a book, and two cats spending the day with no other goal than finding unlimited happiness. Getting out of my head and into the world is something I’ve been making a priority this year; especially after realizing how often I was obsessively focusing on all the things I wasn’t accomplishing instead any of the things I was. While I was able to celebrate my friend’s tiniest accomplishments, I was demanding such perfection of myself — all the unattainable ‘should be’ goals — that I completely forgot to be my own cheerleader. And that’s just not going to work.

***

New York has been one of the first times in my life where I feel like I’m in the exact place I need to be at the exact right moment. The last couple months I’ve made it a priority to take in this dream that I made happen for myself. There are definitely still moments when I feel like I should be doing all the freelance articles or going to clubs or running marathons, but then I take a breath (and usually get a sweet reminder from my parents and Maria to ‘calm the hell down’) and recalibrate. I hope that you’re able to do the same because it’s lovely and you deserve it.

For me, life is in a continual cycle of growing, self evaluating, changing directions, trying new things, learning how to ask for help, staying confident, finding a routine, breaking that routine, and celebrating the extraordinary ordinariness of daily life.

So here’s to uninviting all the “should be” thoughts from our parties and celebrating the here and now. As for me, this is where I am right now:

IMG_1787

Hello!

Life lately is six yoga classes a week, a weekly column with the Daily Dot, internet chats with Earnest about trending YouTube videos, video chats with my family planning their next NYC trips, Friday morning muffins from Bergen bagels, infinite cups of ice tea, X-Files reruns, raids of the Google cookie jars, visits to my local comic book store, cat alarms at 5:30am, dates with Imali, and curation projections with YouTube.

In cat heaven.

It’s the little moments, like when Fitz tells me all about his day right before he knocks out for his 15th nap or when Hem snuggles up on my lap when I’m reading. And we can all agree that Maria is a gem for letting us all crash into her life and leave cat hair all around the living room.

Adventures around NYC with this kid.

Coffee, street fairs, flea markets, museums, yoga classes, the Highline — one of the things I love most about Maria is her enthusiasm for the city. That and the fact that she encourages me to grow, be courageous, take time for self care, and always ALWAYS order the second glass of wine.

Taking time to get to know NYC.

It’s been a lot of growing pains getting to know NYC, and while I wouldn’t yet call it home, I find new things to love about it everyday. I’m constantly blown away that I get to live here. Here, the city I dreamed about since I was 11! At this moment in time, I’m still obsessed with walking everywhere, find myself yelping bakeries more than anything else, and keep adding to my NYC bucket list so that it’s now going to take me about 84 years to complete.

IMG_1728Unbelievably happy.

So in this moment, I hope to continue being courageous in work, life, and relationships; staying present; taking more time to read; cuddling all the kittens; staying invested in my loved ones’ lives; taking advantage of all NYC’s opportunities; and choosing daily happiness. And while I may not be exactly where I ‘should be,’ I’m much much happier in the place I am right now.

 

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