If you’ve ever met my dad, there are two things that stand out most. One, his natural voice carries like a megaphone, and two, he’d do anything for his family and friends. Drive miles in traffic to see them, offer to beat up the person who left a mean comment under his daughter’s YouTube videos, cat sit without complaining, and impart years of ancient wisdom upon his chosen one — which is me since I’m an only child and the cats don’t find him as interesting.
But there have been some pieces of advice I don’t think even my dad realizes he’s shared with me — in his own round about way of course, and usually over a beer and bonfire in the backyard. To that I present, the 5 lessons my dad has taught me about being a lady.
1. Ladies ALWAYS gut their own fish.
If I catch a fish, you better bet your last Kit Kat bar I’m gutting that thing when we get to shore. When I was about six or seven, my dad taught me how to clean my own fish, while simultaneously using the fish’s organs to teach anatomy lessons. We’d make beating noises with the fish heart, open the stomach to see the fish’s last meals, and years later when I was taking my EMT certification test, I thought back on those first fish memories and knew that was when my love of the human body began.
2. Ladies sweat. Hard.
Whoever tried to convince girls they “glow” should be made to go live in the Mojave desert. Yeah, who’s glowing now pal!? The biggest stress reliever for my dad and I is working out. And I’m the first to admit, my dad is much more in shape than I. His hikes are miles long, he’s always on his bike or paddle boarding,and can actually do a push up. In his words, “If you aren’t sweating, you’re not really working out.” So the more sweat, the better ladies!
3. Ladies don’t spit. But if they do, they do it right.
Picture eight year old Carly, knees deep in the ocean, asking for spitting lessons. Pretty typical according to my mum. My dad told me ladies shouldn’t spit, then looked around and said, “But if you do spit, this is how you do it.” We then proceeded to see who could spit the farthest.
4. Ladies should wear bike shorts under their dresses so they don’t get in trouble playing on the monkey bars. Or sitting on bar stools.
I still hold this lesson near and dear to my heart because it only takes one gust of wind or one misstep on the dance floor to turn any situation into a full moon situation.
5. Ladies drink beer.
It’s debatable if it has to be in a glass (I say no, my dad says it’s more proper) but there is nothing better than getting off a fishing boat, walking to your cabin smelling of fish bait and sunscreen, and popping open a Stella with your pops. Take it from me, it’s what all the ladies are doing these days.